Blargh.

A few things I'm grateful for today:

• Antibiotics
• Herbal tea
• Homemade chicken soup
• Ice cold orange juice
• THE comfiest sweater ever (bought on sale). I have worn it almost daily since fall because I love it almost as much as my husband and maybe even a little more than Krispy Kreme. That's a lot, in case you were wondering. A LOT.

37 weeks, 5 days

• Long hot showers
• Humidifiers
• The luxury of being a bum all day with just myself to take care of. I crawled back in bed after Dallin went to work and slept for another 3 hours. It was glorious.
• The fact that it looks like I *should* be able to kick this sickness before going into labor (knock on wood!)
• Cough drops with pep talks

In other words, I'm sick and have been all week. Ready for the incessant pounding in my head to disappear. Hoping and praying it does before I have this baby. Thankful to be getting better, even if it feels like it's happening slower than the proverbial molasses in January. Since it won't be January tomorrow, maybe I'll be better then, no? 

(Side note: holy toledo it is really February tomorrow!? WHAT.)

Okay. Pity party over. Mikaela out. 

A safe place

I've experienced so many emotions since the day we found out I was pregnant. Happiness, excitement, anxiety, impatience, gratitude... the list goes on. It's a roller coaster. I'm sure that has nothing to do with the wonderful thing that is pregnancy hormones. (False!)

As my due date grows closer, I have a new emotion to add to that list... worry. 

I worry about my little baby since I know he won't be a baby for long. He is going to grow up into a boy, then a teenager, then a man -- all in what will feel like a blink of an eye. He is going to experience both the beautiful and repulsive elements of this world. He is going to face challenges, and my heart is going to burst with happiness when I see him overcome them. He is going to make mistakes, maybe some pretty big ones, and my heart will break to see him learn lessons the hard way. 

I worry about my little baby because I can see what an ugly place the world is becoming. I hope he will seek out all the goodness and beauty that is (thankfully) still all around. Just a few short years ago, when I was a teenager, things were much different. The challenges kids are up against nowadays are changing and intensifying so incredibly quickly. That's something that I was reminded of constantly when I was teaching seminary. What will it be like in 10, 15, 20 years from now? How much more difficult will it be to make righteous choices? 

This morning I woke up with all these worries in my mind. I stewed over them while laying in bed staring at the ceiling. When Dallin left for work I sat down with a bowl of cereal and stewed some more. I stewed so much that I really started to stress out about the idea of becoming a parent. Will I be a good mom? Will my kids make good decisions? Will they be happy?

Then I had the impression to pull up the talks from October's General Conference and find one to listen to. That's one of the ways I find answers and comfort when I need it. I began listening to Pres. Boyd K. Packer's talk titled "The Key to Spiritual Protection". It was just what I needed to hear.  

"Parents today wonder if there is a safe place to raise children. There is a safe place. It is in a gospel-centered home."

I can't control what goes on in the world, but I can make my home a sanctuary. I can teach my children right from wrong. I can give them the tools they need to be successful. 

"We live in perilous times; nevertheless, we can find hope and peace for ourselves and for our families. Those living in sorrow, despairing at the possibility of children being rescued from where the world has taken them, must never give up. 'Be not afraid, only believe.' Righteousness is more powerful than wickedness."

Even though the world is crazy, and getting worse daily, righteousness is more powerful and will win in the end. 

"The gospel teaches us to be happy, to have faith rather than fear, to find hope and overcome despair, to leave darkness and turn toward the light of the everlasting gospel."

It's through the gospel that my family and I can be happy, hopeful, and fearless. That's the key to the protection I so deeply want for my children. And oh, how thankful I am to have it in my life. 

(Written yesterday... I didn't get around to posting it until now.)

A small price to pay

Let me be perfectly honest: I underestimated pregnancy. I heard many tales of the adventures that accompany growing a human being, but I always thought they were a wee bit exaggerated. C'mon, being pregnant can't really affect you that much... right?

WRONG.

It began with nausea. I was lucky enough to only throw up a handful of times, but that didn't mean I didn't feel sick as a dog the rest of the time, because I absolutely did. 

Even just thinking about food made me feel like this:

 

I pretty much lived off of Honey Bunches of Oats for the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy since that grossed me out the least. 

Then, just as suddenly as the nausea came, it was replaced with these feelings:







People often ask me, "So, have you been craving anything?"

My answer? "Yes. All the food."

Seriously. I just want to eat everything in the house, all day, erryday. Thank the heavens above this includes a lot of healthy food (pomegranates and tomatoes and cuties, oh my!), but I've also grown weak when it comes to chocolate, ice cream, oreos, and pretty much everything on the Sonic menu. 

It's a problem. 

I resolve to cut it out, and I'm good for a few days, but then a craving hits me for [insert your unhealthy food of choice here, I've probably craved it at one point] and the Veruca Salt within me breaks loose. 

MUST HAVE [unhealthy food of choice] NOW.



A trip to the store with my patient husband (bless that man) usually follows immediately thereafter, and happiness is restored.



Sometimes the baby just needs ice cream, you know? NEEDS IT.

The aforementioned nausea was accompanied with intense pregnancy fatigue. It would hit me so unexpectedly that sometimes I felt like a narcoleptic. 



I spent a lot of time on the couch or in bed those first 16 weeks or so. A lot. 

One of the main things I thought must be exaggerated about pregnancy was the mood swings. Oh boy, was that was a rude awakening. I used to think of myself as a pretty emotionally stable woman. I am was generally capable of keeping myself together. 

Ah, those were the days, my friends. Those were the days. Now, I can go from euphoric happiness to a weepy mess at the drop of a hat.

Just in case you don't believe me (and because I have no shame), here are a few things that have made me cry during pregnancy:
-All the pans were dirty when I wanted mac and cheese.
-This Michael Jackson marching band video. Yes, really.
-My favorite sweats were in the washer when I wanted to wear them.
-And the worst, most perplexing one of all... absolutely nothing. 





But the biggest thing I underestimated about pregnancy was how fulfilling, mind-blowing, and exciting it would be to think about the miracle happening inside my stretching belly. I'm making a human being. That thought still leaves me in awe. 

I also didn't know how sweet it would be to sit quietly, feeling my wee babe kick my hand, imagining what he will be like and what adventures are waiting for us. 

I didn't know I would already love him as much as I do.

And I didn't know how happy I would be to experience all the discomforts of pregnancy. It's a small price to pay, and I feel so grateful to be able to experience it all.

Just a little less than a month (give or take) until I get to meet my squishy little man-cub. I can't wait. 

Baby Shower

I got spoiled this weekend at the baby shower my sweet sister-in-law put on for me this weekend. It turned out so well, thanks to everyone who helped and came! 

There was lots of delicious food, which is always a very important part of a successful party... 

(I just wish I got a picture of it before we got started!)

Lots of good friends and family, including some that came from out of town...

(Jacquie, Jen, and #grantlyman)

(Michelle and Melanie)

(We all ended up hanging out by the food instead of migrating to the living room. That's my kind of party.)

Some very entertaining games...

(Baby food guessing game. I failed miserably.)

(The Price is Right)

(Baby name guessing game, just using letters from our names. I'm totally rooting for Dakaela.)

And of course, lots of loot!

I'm thankful to have such generous, thoughtful friends. 

I don't think I ended up with a single thing to take back.

It's been so much fun stocking up the nursery with all the gifts I was given. Everything just keeps getting more real every day, especially now that we've pretty much got everything we needed/wanted, and I'm thankful that I'm growing a little less anxious the closer February 16 grows. I can't wait to bring my little man home and begin this crazy new adventure.

34 weeks down, 6 to go

So I think I might be pregnant. Just a hunch. ;)

The past few weeks, I've gone from "I don't feel very pregnant" to "good, not great" to "ah, so that's why pregnant women start throwing around the description 'beached whale' in their last stages of pregnancy". I'm definitely pregnant, and feeling more so every day, but I'm still not as uncomfortable as I was expecting to be at this point (knock on wood). Hopefully that lasts for the next month and a half, give or take. On a related note, I can hardly believe that I can now say that he is coming next month, if not sooner. It is getting so close! 

Reality has really been sinking in lately. There's really a baby in there, and he is really coming, ready or not. In just a few short weeks there will be an itty bitty human being waking us (me) up in the middle of the night, expecting us (me) to do ridiculous things like feed him and change his diapers, almost like he is, I don't know... completely dependent on us (me) or something. 

Psh. Silly baby.

Good thing we love him already.